It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
