I checked into jail on foursquare
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
