i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
