The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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