I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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