...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
