i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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