Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
