all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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