How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
