Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
