Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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