I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
