census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
