Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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