honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
