Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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