Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize