last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize