Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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