toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
