We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
