I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
