I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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