I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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