remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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