Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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