so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
