Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
