fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
