Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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