you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
