so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
A bitchslap is in order.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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