im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
