i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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