sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
