I skipped work to stalk him.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
