There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
