I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
