I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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