i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
