My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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