ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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