i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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