It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize