i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
