I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
