Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
