Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
