she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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