just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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