dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
