It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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