ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
