I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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