we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
