Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
