Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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