She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
