i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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