can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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