i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
