12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
