I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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