He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
