I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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