I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
