At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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