I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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