walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
